[The ultimate macabre garden decoration – The Zombie of Montclaire Moors Statue by Alan Dickinson.]

Because of death and new life I have been run ragged for the past week, and I when I got up at sunrise yesterday morning I felt like a zombie. So I pretended to be a zombie all day (I had scrambled eyeballs and brain burgers for lunch), which made me feel better.

And then I thought – what would a zombie’s garden look like? So if you’ll excuse a little bit of sleep-deprived whimsy, here are some thoughts about how to turn your garden into a zombie paradise. The first stage, of course, is to get yourself one of the lovely zombie statues shown above – a snip at under $90, and equivalent to putting up a sign that says “Zombies Welcome Here”.

For zombie attraction you’ll also want to get the stench right, so why not see if one of the plants that smell like rotting flesh will grow in your garden? The giant Titun arum might be a tall order, but apparently you might get away with something from the Smilax genus.

Your zombies will be hungry, and they’ll want brains. You have to love the internet, because the topic of plants that look like brains has already been discussed. Apparently your best bet is the Mammilaria cacti, some of which are remarkably reminiscent of our grey matter.

Now that you’ve attracted your zombies and given them some vegetable brains to snack on, it’s time to make them feel right at home. Why not plant up a selection of the carnivorous plants native to your area? Not only will they add to the ambiance, but they’ll cut down on the nuisance factor of the flies attracted by your carrion plants. Not that the zombies will mind the flies, mind you, but you’ll be glad they’re under control when you pop out to do a spot of weeding!

And when you’re tucked up in bed, enjoying the sounds of the zombies munching on their brains and shuffling off round the neighbourhood, you’ll need to gen up on your poisonous and narcotic plants – for which there is no better book that Amy Stewart’s Wicked Plants. In no time you’ll have a garden that The Addams Family will want to visit.

**Updated 4th May**

I have just come across a very lovely post on Plants are the Strangest People, which goes the other way and talks about the houseplants you would need to invest in to survive a zombie apocalypse 🙂